Totes Toasties

But in our defense, you must understand is this: women and men are at odds regarding the whole "present thing, not the least because it gives you another excuse for indulge in your more - and at least our - favorite activity, shopping. Come December, you girls will be happy to break into one of those gift shops that we guys avoid like the plague, and buy something like a scented candle that smells like off even the toilet cleaner, or you may one of those tiny boxes with is too small to hold anything useful, plus a card with some glitter before hideously abstract and the message embedded within twee, though - and this is the killer for us guys - you do not even know who you are going to give it.

Yet, men hate shopping at the best of cases, especially at Christmas, because then there is the added stress of having to buy something for someone else. Normally, we are working on "if we need something, we buy this principle, which makes the idea of presents a bit redundant. And we sort of assume (given the amount of time you spend wandering along the High Street), you do the same thing, so when it comes to you buy any sort of gift, our " practice ", comes into his head. We know you love handbags and shoes, for instance, but common sense (or a look inside your closet) tells us that you have more than enough of those already. There is always the scent, but we are worried that you think we are only buying it for you because we do not like the way you smell. And the clothes? You spend most of the rest of the year of purchase must-haves of the season for yourself anyway, tutting at us if we dare think that the dress Vesse wolf could get pregnant, how on earth can we expected to make the right choice as we frantically sprinting around Zara on our own to five hours on Christmas Eve?

Even when we use our initiative, we are guaranteed to have it thrown back in our faces. My current girlfriend took one look at the jacket I bought her mango last year - a jacket that had seen several times to admire it - before oh-so-gentle reception asking if she could change "for a different color, then came home with another pair of shoes," because they did not fit me. Faced with this kind of reaction, it is not surprising that you end up with something for us to Robert Dryas, rather than Roberto Cavalli?

Even if we manage to negotiate the minefield of current purchase, then we have the added stress of what to write in your Christmas card. "The love of '? "With the love? "All my love? These can all have the same meaning (ie nothing) for us, but you can extrapolate the girls judgments all relations with our choice of signature.

My friend Mike used to do surprisingly well with the chat-up line "Can I buy you a drink - or if you just like the money?" And these days, it applies the same approach to present shopping, make sure he takes his girlfriend with him when he needs to buy her a gift. She gets what she wants, which - when it was lingerie - meant it too. And even there in the locker room, as he likes to brag. Romantic? Maybe not. Infallible? You bet!

So this year, if you do not want the disappointment of a pair usually clumsily wrapped Totes Toasties or a set of Allen keys, at least give us a clue. Emphasize things for us in the window of the jewelry. Tear up the fashion pages of Cosmo and leave them where we're sure to find them - inside the TV guide is as good a place as any. Give us a "welcome letter from Santa and slip it into our Christmas cards. Or, failing that, just tell us exactly what you are looking for. And even then, make sure that we keep the receipt.